My life is full of irregularities. Always is and always has been.
They manifest themselves in diffrent shapes and sizes. But one thing is certain, i cannot obtain a routine for too long. It just doesn’t happen to me.
I like routine, most of the time, but I also my spontanious nature don’t allow me to have one.
I guess i’ll probably be bored if my life were truly routine, like many other people i know who live a routine life.
The most obvious example is my sleeping schedule. In the past two weeks, i’ve been sleeping 5 hours and then 12-14 hours intermidietly every two days. Today was the 14 hours sleep day. tommorow i’ll probably won’t be able to catch more then 5 measly hours of sleep again.
There are noumerous disadvantages for it, starting with the fact that the hours i’m awake occur during nighttime, and don’t allow me to partake in certain activities, to certain tasks, and talk to certain people. I’d preffer to wake up at around 12:00 and not 18:30. that’ll happen tommorow, probably when i’ll sleep 5 hours.
I might wake up earlier, but it will also leave me tireder…. Such is the cruel sleep cycle i’m in.
I’ll work on chaging that.
I still need a bigger hard drive, and now i need one bigger then ever. I also need some more computer supplies, and maybe it’s time i bought some of them. Like, a scanner, and a Video-in capture and display card.
I also need the money to pay for those, and not having a job means i don’t have any income, and thus no money. The sad note is that when i’ll have a job, I won’t have the time and luxury to do the things i plan for those new hardware additions.
I need to play a game. Reut Sorek gave me her copy of Tex Murphy – Overseer, which doesn’t install on Win2K. Googling up a solution didn’t turn up as well as i accpected, and form what i saw, anyone who tried asking for help got answers like : get WinXP or Install Windows 98. nothing helpful.
I’ll keep trying, but i think i better find a new game to play first. But for that i might need some free hard disk space. which is a problem until i get a new hard drive.
On a completly diffrent note, I had the most disturbing conversation with a girl from the internet who i’ve only known through chats in ICQ. She was depressed about breaking up with her boyfriend (which she only dated of a measly month). I know she had her share of problems. Her cousin died from a bike accident not long ago and she’s still affected by it, and she also don’t like going to school all too much (i remember how that was depressing for me).
Last night, i was about to leave, but had 10 minutes to spare, and i saw her online, and decided to say hello. She told me about her break up, and that she’s had it with life, and that she took a bunch of pills, and it will end her troubles.
At first i didn’t know how to react, so I continued talking as if nothing was wrong and as if she was kidding, I said stuff like, i need to go, and like I’ll talk to you in about 2 hours. So she said she won’t be here in 2 hours. and that she’s already getting drouzy. So i told her, so not in two hours, I’ll see you tommorow, and she replies that I can only see her in the sky tommorow.
I couldn’t help myself but thinking what if she actually took some pills and she’s gonna die ?
And that i didn’t do anything to stop it ?
After a long 30 hour which included a lot of exclamation marks, she agreed she’ll go and throw up for me.
My thoughs afterwards were that maybe it was only a cry for attentoin and she didn’t take any pills or nothing. But i could stand the though of her actually do taking pills, and that i’d end up seeing her name in the obituaries.
I did feel a bit good for being able to (at least theoretically) help her. Even if it might not have been help her out of killing herself, i sure know i helped her out of some depression. And it counts too in my book
I used to like helping people, but it was always about people i care. I don’t know why she can be considered as someone i care about, but maybe just knowing her through the ICQ means i care not to lose a contact. I don’t know. The internet causes all sort of screw up problems.
I suggest everybody go see or remember the scene with the homeless guy from “Groundhog Day”.
Also, Having someone talk about suicide, the day after you see the movie “What Dreams May Come” can be really bothering, having that movie deal with Death and Suicide.
I got an ICQ from her today, which means she’s alive, although it only said that she won’t be online today.
It also said “Thanks for yesterday”.