I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Before I started working here at Exanet i was drifiting, pointless, without a goal, and purposeless.
A lot of people take a trip to the far east to “search themselves”. I need a trip to E3, or GDC.
I keep reading and hearing about people in the game industry, and the amounts of fun they’re having, and the kind of fun work they’re doing. and i’m jelous…
So I make money, so what ?
Is (money > happiness) ?
Can money buy happiness ?
How much money do you need to buy it ?
Is cheap happiness effective as the expensive “executive” type happiness ?
If you can’t efford buying first class happiness, can you be happy enough with couch happiness ?
Idan used to tell me that he only sees me truly happy when i’m done playing some good game. Maybe that’s what i need. A good game to finish.
But with all the work, i don’t have enough free time, and i’m stuck in this annoying “wanted – a wild western adventure” which is SOO buggy, and SOOO dumb, but i have the urge to finish it before moving on to KOTOR2, which will get me addicted. And then i’m thinking of becoming truly addicted to World of warcraft. I know i will be if i’ll ever start playing it. I’m both affraid of the consequences, and i’m jelous of people who have been and are playing it. Like Ron Gilbert, or Tim Buckley. And i keep hearind nothing but good things about it.
As for my other hobbies, they are all at a standstill because of my bicycle injoury. I can’t cut paper or paint my models, and i wanted to start taking on music making again, but there are so many technical difficulties involving it that i just don’t.
For instance, I don’t have a place to put my Midi-keyboard, don’t have the drive space to install my music softwares, and my accordion is at my parents house, and I don’t have where to place it in my house if i’ll bring it over.
And my harmonica is only C-major scale, and i’ve pretty much played all the C-major songs i know on it, and it gets boring.
Moreover i know that if i’ll try and start playing music again, i’ll end up stuck, without anything that i want to play and abandon it. Without some positive reinforcement it’s gonna end up like the rest of the stuff i do.
I wish there was more of an israeli game development market, so i can at least have a truly interesting line of work to complain about.
But there isn’t, so i can’t.
Tough.
Life sucks, huh ?
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On other news:
Car4ron got it’s first hate email !
Some guys said that i should collect money to help starving children instead of raising money for a car.
I don’t think i can dignify him with the proper answer. So i won’t.
The site is progressing nicely, and you might noticed, i’ve already reached the 200$ line in the donation (of which 80$ are the donations which aren’t my own).
I still want to make a few Flash games in the site, and I wish i’d new Flash already, so i wouldn’t have to learn it from scratch. I don’t have enough free time to do all i want, and when i had the time, it looked like it was too much effort.
Again, Life is tough, and it sucks.